Get Free Apple Stuff [Stealing Superguide]
After a flood of reader emails, we’ve developed this how-to guide about getting as many free Apple devices as you want.
Disclaimer: Anshu Chimala strongly opposes stealing Apple stuff, we think people should remunerate Apple for their hard work. However, we also recognize that it can sometimes be useful to steal before you buy. If you use the guide, keep in mind that you do so at your own risk.
What you’ll need:
- To be born without a conscience
- A huge, loose T-shirt, and a ski mask
- A gun or other weapon
To start, pick your favorite Apple store. You can do this by going to retail.apple.com and searching for the ones nearest you. THIEF PROTIP: Want to be famous? Try the new Shanghai Apple store!
Be sure to find out what the store’s hours are and when it closes. Show up at the store wearing your loose clothing and ski mask with your weapon concealed and hang around outside the store about 30 minutes before it closes.
Once the store is relatively empty (about 15 minutes before closing time), walk in quickly. Make your weapon clearly visible, and kill any lingering customers (who cares about them anyway, those idiots pay for stuff).- At this point, the Apple store employees should be screaming/vomiting/putting their hands up. Walk over to the Genius Bar and say, “YO, GENIUS, HOOK ME UP WITH ONE O DEM <Insert Apple product name here>.” THIEF PROTIP: The more “gangsta” you sound, the better the results.
- The Genius should promptly place the requested items in your hands. Kill him/her anyway, because killing is fun and you really have nothing to lose at this point. THIEF PROTIP: Were you lucky enough to get a Genius of the opposite sex? Rape their corpses for added enjoyment!
- Get the hell out of there, go home, and enjoy your free Apple product(s)!
That’s it: you should be able to steal Apple stuff.
Looking for free software to go with your free Apple product? Try this tutorial: http://www.cultofmac.com/install-pirated-appstore-apps-on-your-iphone-jailbreak-superguide/
